What do you do when feelings override logic? It makes no sense for one to want something that one simply cannot have. Not only that, but what if the opportunity were to exist? What then? What happens when something you craved is available, but then again so are so many other opportunities out there that either you did not see or did not exist before now.
Now for some thoughts on growing up.
The absolutely unfathomable for me, the introverted, quiet, geeky kid who enrolled into a tech school where I was simply surrounded by an incredible number of like-minded people, was breaking out of a shell. Everyone had managed the IT systems at their high school. Everyone had broken the rules, circumvented systems, and were known as the “next Bill Gates”. Everyone didn’t seize opportunities…rather, didn’t realize any such opportunities existed for them for friendship or “fun” because they were too busy doing something else.
I felt like I broke through a glass ceiling entering college. I was around people I liked and respected and had a great time. However, it did not take long at all during my freshman year when I realized I wanted out. Sure I know the real world is scary and you need to embrace such serendipity, but I wanted that since 5th grade when the kickoff began for entering the real world.
Wait just a moment. Did I really just say I wanted to enter the real world at such a young age? Aren’t I told left and right from people to soak up the “summer vacations” and the breaks that are handed down to me from school with as much vigor as possible because as soon as I walk away in cap and gown, you can’t go back? I can’t go out and rail those who say such things, as college is an incredibly important time that one should use to find out who they are, on their own, before truly thrust out and run their own life. This transition period I’ve found not just important to me but incredibly necessary. I’ve put so much thought into should I become accept an RA position at the end of freshman year, what big tech company I sell my soul to, grad school (for MBA), starting a company and joining another startup. Not only career-wise, but emotionally and physically I’ve changed significantly in the past few years.
When an introvert learns that he is really an extrovert and finds that he needs to be around people to gain energy and be excited was a huge development freshman year. Being around such people gave me energy and taught me so much that I wouldn’t otherwise picked up on my own. I was influenced on so many levels and so much has come from it. For instance, I can credit Drew for dragging me to the gym my freshman year and directly causing running to become an important part of my life. I believe one of the conversations went like this:
Drew: C’mon! Go to the gym! You aren’t going to be doing anything important otherwise.
Me: But…I’m watching Knight Rider. And surfing the internet.
Drew: See! Exactly! Lazyness gets you nowhere in life. You have the perfect opportunity now to get off your lazy ass and do something and it’s even good for you.
Me: But…I like watching Knight Rider with breakfast…
Eventually, being dragged out and given enthusiasm to run the track in my beat-up sketchers did set the pace (pun intended) for a future. It gave me something I could set goals for and see results. One could argue that such a thing exists in the world of computing, but I would counter with a vague argument and say it isn’t as gratifying. Knowing that I made a certain distance or certain pace (Even though I’m on my third purchase the friggin’ Nike+ iPod Adapter…) gave even more energy to beat that. It even helps clear my mind and give me more mental energy, as there have been countless times my mind is simply buzzing with oh so many things and this is a way to calm it all down. The gist from this is how I went through my own reverse “freshman 15” and as part of me growing up, I ended up becoming relatively fit in an environment that I didn’t think nor expect to happen.
I think in this time I’ve also been able to give out an impression to those who know me best of how important I find relationships to be. The opportunities presented to me in my life thus far have been for the most part due to who I know, which has a direct correlation to what I’ve been involved in. Keith Ferazzi’s book “”http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0385512058/qid=1129837551/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/103-6971938-7142216?v=glance&s=books&n=507846">Never Eat Alone“, for instance, drives home the point of how much creating, maintaining, and even setting up relationships for others can help you benefit in the long run [Sidenote – maybe its just ”http://www.typepad.com/“>TypePad, but ”http://sethgodin.typepad.com/“>Seth Godin’s blog and ”http://nevereatalone.typepad.com/blog/">Ferazzi’s look remarkably similar]. I find that my sometimes overwhelming urge to keep in touch with some people is based around the fact that our paths may cross again and the benefits of staying in touch will be brought about at that point.
Something that I’m (still) learning is embracing change over planning. I think its in my genetic code to be a big planner and account for what will happen in a given situation. From a development standpoint, being exposed to agile for six months really set the pace for managing long term when working to be highly receptive to the short term. Embracing and being open to change can seriously make anyones life easier. The more you cling to something, the harder it is to see other options.
My last quip is about the term “someday”. Is my final glass ceiling the one that looms over graduation? Is it then, only then, that whenever someone had to referred to me and the word “someday” along with all sorts of compliments in the same context become a reality? Wow, I just re-read what I wrote and that sort of spins me for a loop. Basically, will I finally be able to have a true internal locus of control (thanks for the term, Organizational Behavior!) rather than blame me not being able to do or get what I want due to external factors? I’m not completely sure about that until something like 163 days from now. RIT has sure done a good job at distorting reality and not having me being exposed to many different kinds of people as per a Myers-Briggs test (an incredible amount are INTJ – not a bad thing, but the importance of diversity is blindingly apparent).
Until next time.